Velocaches In Play

#4 FOUND! Awaiting pictures...go to http://burnhamcoaching.blogspot.com and register a complaint!


#16?...anyone?..."Empire".


#49!!!

#52





Showing posts with label winter mold. Show all posts
Showing posts with label winter mold. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

#40? crow black chicken



Uh, good evening. I left my phone at home for this one. That is always/never a fine idea. It hurt because, as ever, I glanced at the ID photos and thought "yeah yeah yeah. I know generally where that is. I can find it, no problem."

In the words of someone even more well versed in making a ass of himself via a bicycle than myself: "what could possibly go wrong?"

So. My last text message to FNG, and hopefully potential player, C____ had said to meet on the bike path at the seahorse. But not having a phone, I wasn't sure if he knew where that is, or had even received said text.

{aside: people nowadays use cell phones as a way to hold every planned event hostage up to the last minute. I'm speaking generally, but of course I mean YOU. It's true, though, and you know it. People will text (cuz there's no immediate hassling back talk) at 12 minutes to launch to say they aren't coming. No one wants to be the bad guy by just declining in the 1st place? I'm so over it. All y'all can take a lesson from Horton the Elephant; a true blue brother who said what he meant.}

And I'm sitting under the tree drinking a tall boy and looking at the Cside seahorse, when C____ rolls up. Nice.



I have not been riding, so I was hoping for a mellow roll to the locale in which I was dead certain we'd find the traysure. It was cool. But can you imagine Doobie in your funk? HO! W-E-F-U-N-K.



The missing photo here would depict a run down WWII era dump with top-hatted figures artlessly scrawled upon it.




But...there is no Goods?

Apparently the nazi zombies made it there 1st. Or maybe it was the shambling homeless. Could have been some sex crazed druggy co-eds.



Nazi zombies?



The threat of zombies, bums, and decay notwithstanding we proceeded to boozily suppose that the pictures had been misleading and adventure further up the path looking for more dangerous and creepy shacks into which we might break. Now, this is not so easily dismissible a drunken notion as some- it is a known fact that the hider of this cache is free with his associations and puts, like, math in the clues, and just plain gets the names/locations of trails wrong...

We followed EMO into that shack. A piece of steel window strip was erratically banging in the breeze. Such a perfect bit of staging to really up the goosebumps. Other than that it was the standard rat turds, mildew, old beer cans, vague threat of bats, plastic sheeting and hot pink blouse which had been cut in half and left on the floor.




Finally, we did what any self-respecting hard core bad-asses would do. We climbed up the rickety fire tower out back and drank more beer.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

special favors come in #31 flavors

What with winter all settled in, like a puffed up salamander here on the Central Coast, a ride may require more than it's own reward to really pay off. Know what I'm sayin?



I'm sayin that smelling the Wild in and of itself will, sadly, lose it's draw if you are wet, windblown, uncomfortable and/or bloated. So here's where Velocache really shines. Like a greasy $1 dollar bill crumpled in the gutter, it gives you an unreasonable lift of spirits and motivation all out of proportion with it's reality. Let Velocache be the wind beneath your wings that's really needed to get you out! and on the bike in this bleakening season.

This is the cache that sent me up and along the ridge to Dana's Drop, and I haven't ridden that in at least a year. So that's cool. It's a sandy rut these days, but it leads to some worthwhile get through trails. I popped out onto rushy rush 68, which I crossed and climbed towards the steps from the West.



This quickly became steep to the point of ridiculousness.



The steps from above did not appeal,

so I engaged in some bushwacking like you read about to reach the Scenic Trail and come at the treasure from above. I appreciate a clever turn of phrase, so I knew to look to the left if viewed from below, which would be right for me...





You know the treasure will be cheap and tawdry (and occasionally even offensive) yet it still holds out the possibility of revealing itself a poorly framed xeroxed copy of a badly airbrushed T-shirt featuring the visage of Charles Bronson, or some other inspiring jackpot. It is this sliver of possible brightness which you must cultivate into the burning flame of an actual bike ride.I knew it would be quite a climb to get back up, so I delayed opening the treasure until I got to that one spot overlooking the bumper to bumper on 68. It's a nice spot to soak in some rays.

On a related note: Gary Fisher, like Nick Nolte, gives me the heeby jeebies. I first became aware of this in the gay 90's, when Fisher had 70foot long banners of his face hanging above the booth at Interbike. That was notably over the top. Then there was the claims at being the Godfather of Mountain Biking- hurk!ohgodholdmyhair- like it wasn't some kid riding his bike where he liked (if you're a romantic) or cyclocross nutters (if you're an anglophile) or the fucking cavalry (if you're a buffalo soldier) or Joe Breeze, Tom Ritchey, Charlie Cunningham, et al (if you're from NorCal , bro). Then it was inventing the 29" wheel (which at one Sea Otter I actually thanked him personally for popularising, since I am a gentleman, if a slight cad) when we all know it was Wes Williams. Booyah. Finally (I can only hope) it is the increasingly "bespoke" ensembles of facial hair and tailoring.


So that horrible t-shirt scared me more than any Omen reference or 80's Christian Metal. I will consider it a personal slap in the face with regard to my ability to fly in the face of fashion and wear it as a symbol of my continuing resistance to the stupidification/marketing of the next big thing in bicycling. It shall be the podium from which I launch my diatribe at the unsuspecting when they notice in passing polite speech my garb. A springboard to a meaningful discussion on what is Good and True in cycling versus what is an unsavory cult of personality, what is a false usurpation of our common history in cycling, what is madly scrambling for the new at the expense of the proven.

The really horrible part is that he has had a lot of very good ideas on bikes and bike design, and has promoted some worthwhile niches- not least 29" wheels and commutative bikes, which are both dear to my heart. But, look again at the shirt. It's that kind of unabashed hubris which calls for a real dislike. So I still shudder at the sight of him. And that makes this a Velocache win, I suppose. Especially since when I first saw it I thought "That's not a very good likeness of Phil Collins."...


and I shuddered.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Dirty (Found) #30

(in homage to a wonderful publication)

Went up the wrong hill, but only part of the way up. Finally made it over here. The package smelled like a damp hobo, so as per usual I brought it home.


The musty stash did not disappoint! 2 of the more artistic pieces to land in a velocache thus far.


http://cruisercandy.com/ for all of your zany cruiser needs


We spent a good 2 minutes trying to decide if this was one of those upside-down / right-side-up
illusions. Verdict still out