VeloCache Monterey

#51 don't moan so much, don't moan SO MUCH!

2012-01-23T20:52:00.000-08:00

All right.

Fellas? Can I get up and do my thing?

Now I want everybody to get on the 1. Get up and get down.

Hop onto the singletrack at the point which would appeal to Lon Chaney Jr. Ride it. Feel them 23s drift. Come on ride it!

Ease on down the Big Sur coastline until you reach the most parasitic trailhead in the county. The signage on the Best Side makes no mention of bikes. That means "GO!"

You can ride singletrack over the Pacific...

wrap that point back to the 1, continue South.

Act like you know.

OMG, the poison oak was over powering...a trail only a Midwesterner could love. Wear shorts.

Wow. This place was oceany. The seals were eyeballing me. I did not linger.

Wet. Mucky. I expected crabs to creep out.

And after I saw the goods, I really expected crabs to creep out.

Brothers and Sisters, this spot was a fine place to have a beer. Nicely done. Super sweet jaunt down the coast, which I never do and should- so it was great. Add in the singletrack sides? Hello fun!

dirty #50 found

2012-01-18T19:56:00.000-08:00

This got did the same day #51 got dug. Forgot to get a pic of the secret Masonic symbol just because. We wandered over to the eucalypti and dug around, I am sure the picnicking family thought we were up to some legitimate business.

prize of the litter

message located curiously close to the skunk's "touchhole"

damn that is one bawss jersey....I was **SHOCKED** to find out it was not from the Primal collection

#51 - Spanish for Tick

2012-01-16T22:01:00.000-08:00

Go Here

Watch out fer authorized persons (aka creeps)

Sidle on down that trail to the right of the gate. Don't worry, poison oak won't kill you it will just make you itch. Listen to this if you need to be a bigger man about it:

View from above

With the tide lapping at your heels. Go towards the boulder pile to the left of the wet wall

Up on the boulder pile, you will see this to your right....

...and this to your left

Once you quit looking around like a jerk, look down at your feet:

The goods contained within are provided for the prime purpose of "GOING OUT AND HAVING A GOOD TIME" so turn that bike around and get to one on Monterey's finer establishments, post-haste.

dirty #50! velocachemonterey remains shifty

2012-01-06T21:25:00.000-08:00

So called Gentlemen and Ladies,

Cemetery benches are not just for creeps or mourners. You can loiter there, too!

If you were sitting there, quietly, enjoying the rarefied atmosphere, your eye might be drawn to the shrubbery across the street below and between the 2 Eucalyptus. If that were the case, I wouldn't blame you.

I suppose you're going to have to play it by ear. Right here and now.

#47 FOUNDED

2012-01-03T06:27:00.000-08:00

THAT's how it feels. Especially when my first glance at the post made me think we would have to CLIMB BITCHES but then I realized it was not at the grand entrance to J___s but at the lazy bottom.

Have I been on this trail? Probably. If I was, was it under cover of beers and pitch black and no headlight? Definitely.

The clearing was easily found, as was the treasure.

Stick that in your Meta- pipe

Remember when "radicool" was a thing? This hat sure does.

All of the best art in Carmel can be found in the woods

This was truly a treasure trove of goodies, a cornucopia for the belly and mind. I think the hat would go well to be paired with the coons worn Flavor Flav style around the neck, no?

As for the Coe map.....the stars must have aligned because we rode Coe shortly after this cache was placed but before we found it. All I can say is the Grizzly Gulch trail is the bee's knees and makes all of the climbing worth it, and I get real excitable about trails that mix downhill, creek crossings, oak vistas, and swoopity canopy riding together. Can I be greedy and say I wish that trail was 20 miles long or should I just shut up and appreciate it? Either way I have no excuse for taking 2 years to go back there after my first visit.

A fine velocaching it was, first bike ride in 2 weeks after the home for holiday routine. Always nice to be in the pines as dusk falls on a clear January day.

#49 crustiness is kept

2012-01-02T20:20:00.000-08:00

Go to A______'s.

Inquire as to that which awaits you- your Velocache #49.

If they act suspicious just play it cool. Do enjoy the seedy piratical atmosphere. Do not suggest they change their ways to accommodate you.

Let us remember the Golden Rule: You ain't special, so shut the fuck up and drink your drink.

#48...found

2011-12-30T11:59:00.001-08:00

Bekahsaurus and Captain Fox finally found our first velocache!

{editor's note:WELCOME NEWCOMERS!}

We saw the chalk writing in the bunker by the beach in Oct. and we've been keeping an eye online since.
Knew where one was but my bike was out of commission so couldn't get it.

We set out for CSUMB because the frat clue and the Frolf goal.
I had an idea where it might be and I figured I'd see the wire structures.

Sure enough, off in the distance I see the big Z above the trees.

{editor's note: LOL at the exact photo op...how was the oak?}

{editor's note: captain Fox, we assume?}

{editor's note: DANG! I would love to have some explosive power. I slept on this one too long...}
The beers were ice cold and the M80s will be put to good use.

We're getting a velocache ready, but having trouble deciding where to put it.
{editor's note: put it someplace cool we don't know about}

#48: Obviously, you're not a frolfer

2011-12-15T11:10:00.000-08:00

So I went out on Tuesday morning to plant a velocache, and the weather was all like this:

But......it was all for naught b/c my camera had no memory card in it, so I had to do the same ride this morning, when the weather was all like this:

When Posdnuos said "woe is me, to the third degree" he was clearly talking about me.

On to the velocache......


I was too busy looking at my wet feet to see this huge hawk before it took off

good place to rest a bike

Medieval torture garden? Probably

Frat house discovers letters; you can discover treasure in the woods to the west

view from above, looking west

optional slack line, ride your bike here for an extra velobuck

hidden treasure

make sure to get REAL familiar with the poison oak from this viewpoint. exact picture or it doesn't count

#46 smells like Palladium

2011-11-27T08:05:00.001-08:00

After 2 weeks expectorating on the couch, your cheerful correspondent made his way up to the highway that divides Monterey Bay's really rich people from the only kind of rich people.

Despite the warnings, no punk-ass bitches were located. Just a not much worse for the wear cache. Inquiring minds want to know how many people drove past this treasure without knowing what valuable goods were within arm's reach from their car window.

Ready to cough all of the way down the hill

Do as The Man says

Treasures abound, some (used?) bib shorts, various bits and stickers, fine literature, HAMMer gel, and the most godawful smelling mini-stove I've ever smelled. I think the stove may have been aged in the bowels of Monterey.

#47 let you see how it feels

2011-11-18T21:30:00.000-08:00

...yes, you.

Super stealth singletrack. Short but sweet. You should know about it.

That sword type arty arrangement be pointing the way.

This triangle bit has nothing to do with it, but it is noticeable. Makes a nice back rest.

#46...this one goes out to my niggas

2011-11-07T20:14:00.000-08:00

who be havin to deal with these punk-ass bitches:

42% of automobile operators have 50% of their attention on the road. Be careful out there.

Git to gittin!

#44 you can lead a whore to culture...

2011-11-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

but you cannot make her think.
-Dorothy Parker, upon being asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence.

No, this does not match the big picture.

This does not, either.

Kind of. You can see the cache.

Suck it.

The goods. All waterproofed an shit. Good thing, since they were out there for 3 weeks.

This trail was part and parcel, up and down. Though you could have gone another way.

WELCOME NEWCOMERS! Good job, M___ S_____.

45 are PM zoned

2011-10-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

In your face!

I's out, you know- riding, enjoying the moooonlight when I won this one. Fort Ord was feeling...off. I headed out to the Caprock via fireroad only(?!?) and back out the same way.

0% trails.

For whatever reason, it was skeery. So I kicked myself on back into town headed home, before (stopped in the graveyard for a, um, breather) remembering the velocache.
Renewed purpose!
I headed towards the wharf for orientation. Kooks on bikes. Figuring this had to be up in the Presidio, I poked my way in that direction...

Stopped here for phone checking, all unawares...

because I wanted to get a photo of the effed up "bike route" that I'd just tried, thinking that A) I could maybe get into the Presidio thataway and B) there's no way it would just be a way to kill off cyclists by routing them directly into traffic on a blind corner. My bads.

On heading up the hill from the parking structure, I spied 2 cyclists (by their blinky lights) whom I then followed to the sneaky bridge/walkway that I'd been on only 1 time before and axed them ?s about statues of Junipero Serras and boats. They weren't innerested in talking to me or having me around at all, and I was left to wonder if I was drunker than I thought or possibly just a creep. But, upon reflection they were simply dicks.

"Just because we both ride bikes doesn't mean we're friends" indeed.

Anyhow, I found the statue opposite the Civil War reenactor camp, and was forced to search the (several) likely trees with out lights due to paranoia. Finally, in the last tree I gave up and used my light (I had become angry and frustrated by this point) only to spy a (some would say purposefully) obscure tube with a familiar word printed on it.

It was a picture of the very walkway over which I'd just ridden. It had some inscrutable words upon it to the effect that I'd been duped. RErouted. Excellently sneaky. Well played. I have had several reasons to doubt this hider's clues/grasp of reality/dedication...but never again. This cache was awesome.

Sure enough, in the likeliest place, there was the actual goods. All in all a very tubular cache. A tallboybottle of Spirit of the Hawk, a steel water bottle (used and still containing the dregs of it's last load- classy!), a long slim box of a chocolate rose, and an autographed! rolled up copy of "Poetry and other crimes...by: SEAMAS(sic?) NAVARRO. (All poems, stories, and tribal art COPYRIGHT 2000-2011, by SEAMAS (sic?) NAVARRO- So don't even THINK of fucking with this shit! All rights reserved)"

Whoa. An example?

GOD IS LOVE
Who can speak of what the wind has heard?
Has snached (sic) away greedly (sic)?
Or the rights and wrongs
the merry brook saw on its (sic) musical journey
to the sea?
Is the cold comforted
by the warmth?
Is that why its (sic) such a thief?
And does the heat heal
from its (sic) sweat,
at the sigh of the suns (sic)
last wink?

If everythings (sic) connected
through threads of LOVE
and yes, even pain,
and from these strands we all mature
then hope is all the same.
It hurts to know that hurt will come, but think, how we hurt GOD too,
when we hate in spite of HIS LOVE
and yet, HE LOVES us true.
If GOD is LOVE and LOVE is patient,
and LOVES us,
for all our faults, then strive to forgive
as HE LOVES
in the face,
of when all go's (sic) wrong: LOVE UNDER FIRE.
COPYRIGHT 2011
SEAMAS (sic?) NAVARRO

I opened the Eye of the Hawk's Spirit of the Hawk 40oz. like a OG on my pedal, and posted up hella hard under the bridge downtown to drink the chewy brew whilst watching traffic roll by and reading bad poetry like a troll. Or maybe SEAMAS NAVARRO.

Whatever. Don't even THINK of fucking with this shit.

45 - get it while it's dry

2011-10-04T18:23:00.000-07:00

Based on a true story

Go here. Ignore the used rubber on the ground.

looking eastish

look up

warnung

2011-09-27T23:03:00.000-07:00

PSA to follow.

Sometimes you just need a little help.

Soooooo. If you find yourself lost/sober/in need of repairs and you know where this is...you, my friend, are in luck.

#44. Beauty, eh?

2011-09-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

Take off, hoser. If you, like, ride your bike then a Good Time is guaranteed.

This is looking towards the Great White North, eh?

And, like, those of you who rode the Sleaze Otter will totally know where this is.

OK, so there is a velocache, like, secreted in there. You should get it. There is a beauty trail coming down from there, and you could take that.

All this because there is a Strange Brew in there...

...but Traffic is better than Cream.

#41 Josshole Junction

2011-09-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

DO NOT read the rest of this post until you hear about CC's Strokin' Stick

I sure took my sweet time picking up this cache. I like to savor the hunt? Can't be that I don't go out of my way to talk to strangers or feel weird about being in bike shops where I used to be one of the shifty derelicts and now I'm just Joe Schmoe.

"Can I have that velocache?"
"Oh....I don't know how the game works. Do I just give it to you?"
"Yep, pretty much"

I neglected to take any pictures because I'm good like that, but imagine a bike parked in front of a bike store. It's not that hard.

But I do have pictures of loot:

Belgium's finest cheapest beer, Timbuk2 CoozE, stickers and suntan lotion, a ~~brand-new~~ patched tube, 2 inches of rim tape, and a SWEET jersey of a style that I can't really explain. Also some proctologist's gloves and a napkin/utensil package, which I assume are to be used in tandem.

Feast your eyes on this hunk of man to make up for the lack of bike pictures:

#43 Foggy Midnight Poison Oak

2011-09-22T04:39:00.001-07:00

So I recognized the general local of this one as soon as I saw it so I headed out for it as soon as I could. Unfortunately as usual I was overly confident thinking I knew exactly where it was, however at 1am every tree stump between Monterey and Carmel looks identical in the fog.

I was up all night studying and went out for this one super late when I was done, and as soon as I got on the back roads the fog packed in so densely I had a hard time finding the road let alone the correct stump, but I was determined. After digging behind about a dozen rotting stumps down aquajito, I finally found it, but not before digging through poison oak like an old lady digs through her duffle bag sized purse. Tomorrow when this starts itching I’ll regret going for it in the dark, but the booty was well worth it.

As promised interbike goodies: Yeti beer koozy, a bianchi-esque celeste-colored Shimano trucker hat guaranteed to instantly lower your IQ, some rocking new socks and handful of industry stickers. Also included was a bottle of life saving tonic and an absolutely awesome used pair of Joselyn’s team bib shorts, rad! The best part of this cache was the rain-proofing courtesy of old paper-towel packaging, a classy touch indeed. Great score, great ride, well worth it! Sorry bout the photos, between the dense fog and the piece of junk cell phone camera in the dark, the photos I snapped out there were useless, so I took the pics of the goods at home after a quick de-oaking shower.

#43...everything you hope it will be

2011-09-19T22:12:00.000-07:00

You been here?

You know where this one lane goes?

Pfffffft. And you call yourself a cyclist. What the?!? Get here quick. You will learn discipline, climbing, discipline, descending, and a host of convenient and fun little-trafficked connectors from Monterey to Carmel. From the bottom to the top.

This is a good cache. I just returned from interbike. It's all waterproof an shit, but still...

What is the answer to everything?

2011-09-19T21:32:00.000-07:00

42.

I am so happy about several stories involving this number, on account of they are funny. My favorite involves Cary _______, and includes the phrase "How old are you?" being uttered by the father of a 21 year old girl. Classy. Not least because Cary's standard ending to any question involving his employment was "...and I do body work."

So, you see.

In any event, this eponymous cache, was the 1st effort by Criffer (I imagine a cane, and a blue bandana, and some intricate hand signals), and it was a good one. I was worried due to all the testicle references in the deployment post that this would be some freaky porno cache.

You wouldn't have loved it on account of there was climbing.

A fair amount of climbing.

Extra points for being sealed with scotch tape.

Some of the booty. I promptly lost these on the climb up through Pebble via some trails. Think how stoked some random pedestrian who doesn't deserve them will be! At least I didn't lose the beer.

This is a BIG TIME haunt of bums and hobos. Just down the street was a hobo bike junkyard a few years ago. Dude was camping amongst at least 9 different bum bikes.

Today as I ate my tasty snacks in the shade, that white sedan pulled up to disgorge a stocking capped bundle of angst. The guy popped out of the passenger seat and dramatically dropped his head into his arms on the roof of the adjacent beater hatchback. After 15 seconds or so, he showily came around and pulled a battery out of the sedan trunk and set to work. His car eventually started, and he pulled out behind the sedan laying on his horn. He honked at that gal for a solid minute and a half while waiting to enter traffic. Minute and a half at least. Wow.

I couldn't have asked for a better show.

#42 Swampside Cache

2011-09-17T23:36:00.000-07:00

I am new here to velocache Monterey. I was recently introduced to velocache by assisting in a co-worker’s quest for treasure, and I decided it was my turn to put one out, so here it is.

I won’t give it away but included is the most noble of drinks and the fruits of a stony hour on the couch with a ball of hemp twine.

Here is how she is located. You all know what this is...follow it to the seahorse, or there abouts.

Take the scenic route.

It will lead you to this beautiful hardware store swampland.

On a side note I love that the road has a turn-out for tourists to pull over and marvel in the smell of our local wetland ecosystem. Does anyone else think of Blinky the radioactive three eyed fish on the Simpsons? When the cache was delivered, there was only one car; a geo prism with a young gent in the driver’s seat enjoying what I’m sure must have been an absolutely amazing tweak.

Find the wood sign proclaiming the name of this “lake” once referred to by the previously mentioned co-worker as “the anus of seaside”.

If you’re standing at the sign the treasure is within mere feet of you…so close your balls may actually tingle (or ovaries in the case of the lady-cachers), but to enjoy the goods you need to think green and start climbing.

“There’s nothing like that first taste of beer” – John Steinbeck, Cannery Row

rounding the corner into cougardom...#41 THIS IS NOT TRASH!

2011-08-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

Slow roll it.

Not only do you hafta...move it to the Left, you gotta move it to the Right. You gotta move it allll night. Lissen:

This is NOT trash! It's velocache. Offer not available to employees.

If these types of characters seem familiar, you know where you can go.

This place! Head inside and ask around. Maybe pick up a patch-kit or a custom titanium off-road touring bike. You owe it to yourself.

These 2 lovely matching! Centurions are For Sale. Perfect for him and him. They are cheap and easy, but they look realllllll sophisticated.

Stroke it with the motion.

#40? crow black chicken

2011-08-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

Uh, good evening. I left my phone at home for this one. That is always/never a fine idea. It hurt because, as ever, I glanced at the ID photos and thought "yeah yeah yeah. I know generally where that is. I can find it, no problem."

In the words of someone even more well versed in making a ass of himself via a bicycle than myself: "what could possibly go wrong?"

So. My last text message to FNG, and hopefully potential player, C____ had said to meet on the bike path at the seahorse. But not having a phone, I wasn't sure if he knew where that is, or had even received said text.

{aside: people nowadays use cell phones as a way to hold every planned event hostage up to the last minute. I'm speaking generally, but of course I mean YOU. It's true, though, and you know it. People will text (cuz there's no immediate hassling back talk) at 12 minutes to launch to say they aren't coming. No one wants to be the bad guy by just declining in the 1st place? I'm so over it. All y'all can take a lesson from Horton the Elephant; a true blue brother who said what he meant.}

And I'm sitting under the tree drinking a tall boy and looking at the Cside seahorse, when C____ rolls up. Nice.

I have not been riding, so I was hoping for a mellow roll to the locale in which I was dead certain we'd find the traysure. It was cool. But can you imagine Doobie in your funk? HO! W-E-F-U-N-K.

The missing photo here would depict a run down WWII era dump with top-hatted figures artlessly scrawled upon it.

But...there is no Goods?

Apparently the nazi zombies made it there 1st. Or maybe it was the shambling homeless. Could have been some sex crazed druggy co-eds.

Nazi zombies?

The threat of zombies, bums, and decay notwithstanding we proceeded to boozily suppose that the pictures had been misleading and adventure further up the path looking for more dangerous and creepy shacks into which we might break. Now, this is not so easily dismissible a drunken notion as some- it is a known fact that the hider of this cache is free with his associations and puts, like, math in the clues, and just plain gets the names/locations of trails wrong...

We followed EMO into that shack. A piece of steel window strip was erratically banging in the breeze. Such a perfect bit of staging to really up the goosebumps. Other than that it was the standard rat turds, mildew, old beer cans, vague threat of bats, plastic sheeting and hot pink blouse which had been cut in half and left on the floor.

Finally, we did what any self-respecting hard core bad-asses would do. We climbed up the rickety fire tower out back and drank more beer.

38 .... Redux

2011-08-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

Well the skies weren't quite as dramatic as I set out for my first real ride since traveling for over five weeks.....but I've accepted my mission....there was no river boat, no air cav, but I could feel it in the air as I rolled out of the garage....the horror.....the horror.
Ok.....a little dramatic....but as innocuous as a ride across the ord may see as certain trail that has lay number lay between me and the cache....The goat trail.....don't know what it is....maybe the monkeys migrated over from 82 but I have a tenancy to overcook it on that trail (click the bike shot, if you look closely you can see the bent saddle)....today was no different. But the cache was just around the corner along with first aid beer (a little for my knee, the rest for my ego) and a pretty sweet cache....a bay bike bottle, a little htc schwag, a "bring it on" little zip pouch and some styling socks.....nice and warm for August in Monterey...it all made the ride home on a pretty slopin saddle worth it.

#40 - Shakedown at the Hantavirus Hotel

2011-07-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

Cache 40 is all downhill from here

Friday I had to get out of town and get out of town fast. But there is always time to plant some valuable treasure for your fellow mang.

Here's looking up your old area code

Looking an escape route from going in that shitty building

Go on....stick your hand up there

Gross Profit

(all pictures courtesy of a terrible cell phone camera)

38.....DEAD!

2011-07-23T15:05:00.000-07:00

update to follow

#38 revisited- a series of mistakes. Y pues? Volver volver volver

2011-07-11T22:52:00.000-07:00

Hola extranjeros! Bienvenidos amigos. Look East. go where your eyes see.

Ladies on horses may call this #41, but hella hard core dude bros call it Goat Trail.

Everbody calls this Oil Well Road.

You'd think it'd be here, but it is not. Too many vermin and potential looky loos.

It is here instead.

So get to gettin'. This was a hard ride when first hidden, and it remains a challenge.

#39 Found

2011-07-04T10:22:00.001-07:00

Smoke this skinwagon!

VC #39, right behind the pricklers where the memorable (?) Michelob Ultra was consumed during that memorable (?) Sleaze Otter

We didn't linger long, as a broken-down car and inhabitants were hanging out there. Back down Aguajito to the home ranch for some tearing into o' the box.

Please oh please let this be inside

No signed Burt Ward pictures, but a bounty worth of a thirsty king. Hammses, Italian flag crochet gloves for style, flair, and a bikeable stoner proclamation.

But wait....there's more!

Having solved the world's problems, I'm glad we are finally living in an age when your hydration pack can provide a misting cool.

#39 Ram it in your climb hole

2011-06-28T08:14:00.000-07:00

Don't fool yourself. This one is going straight up your pedal chute. Like a ship without an anchor. Like a snake without a chain. Like a feather haired teen in too-tight cut-offs atop a rickety pair of scuffed white roller-skates.

True Sleaze Otter aficionados will riggity-recognize the power pedestal behind which rests a box filled with sweet sweet Velocache. Many of you have piled bottles of Michelob Ultra atop this Monument.

And since you're already up there, you may as well continue on and get #38; on which I checked and still in situ is which.

That's science talk for get off your arse. You are an early morning lover and you must be movin' on.

#38 bumble in the Monterey Pines?-DO NOT SEEK

2011-06-07T13:58:00.000-07:00

...I'm better now, than I was. I'm experienced now. PROfessional. ___'s been broke, been lost, knocked down a couple times. I'm BAD. Been chopping trees. I done something new for this Velocache!

I done wrassled with a alligator. That's right. I have wrassled with a alligator.

Which one a y'all chumps is ready to come down to South Central California and actually ride hard, both on and off road, to catch a cache?

You prolly came from this direction. You know, West.

This is no place for rope-a-dope. You got to be fast. Fast. Fast. Like when you cut the light off in your bedroom; hit the switch are in the bed before the room is dark.

Don't blow it and head further this way. You know, East.

You'll want to head this way. You know, North.

Eventually looking back and seeing this,

whilst continuing on this way. You know, North. NOT following the more established track over to the West again. Get in there and begin your hike-er, uh, climb.

Keep going.

This type of trail will look familiar...

And even though that bag will not be there, it is directing you the right way...

towards this arrangement of stones. Cairn. Rock Duck. And even though this package will not be there, it will be nearby. You know, East. If you head that way, you're in the right.

LOG?

Everyone loves Log.

Enjoy the peace. This is a very rarefied spot.

I fully expect that there will be some sitting on the hands here. None of y'all have been here, and that's a fact. Doesn't mean you shouldn't go, and if you ask nicely I'll show you how to get here on the down-low downhill.

37b: More PITA than cache

2011-05-31T20:33:00.000-07:00

If this is belongs to you, then know that I could have simply taken it to your house. Instead, if this belongs to you then surely you reconize where it be.

You're welcome. Get it before it's gone?

37- been had

2011-05-16T16:59:00.000-07:00

Space vato. Square cat. Say "car...am...ba, partners where's the party at?".

Enough is enough is enough. Thanks to the detailed series of photos in the last post, I was able to hunt and peck the location. (I did not know that park was there at all.)

As I was taking these photos and stinking of indolence and leisure, the Sand City Popo rolled up hard. Apparently the police station is on the other side of the park. That puts a damper on Fun.

As soon as the igpays had onegay, I headed up that promising trail. ooyahbay.

The traysure was buried deep. My 1st thought was "I hope these clumps I'm feeling aren't cat shit."

My 2nd thoughts were "Crap! Did they bury a phone book?"

But no, while that would make for an excellent Sleaze Otter prize, it was not a phone book.

It was a swanky simulated leather pannier full of Goodness! Whoa. This has to be the single finest cache ever.

Here's to a fine spot, well chosen. A hidden oasis of calm degeneracy amid the fluttering chaos of Modern America. I lorded it over the squares rushing past my poor man's Shangri La and they didn't even know it.

This was an especially welcome cache, too, because I was dilly dallying about with no plans to ride, and shaking my legs out after yesterday's cramp-inducing roundy round was a good call.

After all this pushing heavy bikes around, the cross bike felt like flying. Here it is at the top of that one spot near some indigenous Douglas Irises.

If you were sitting here and looked back up the trail, the second tall boy would be that glint in the bushes.

Just so you know.

I even made it home before the rain began in earnest.

The Goods: fancy mystery pannier+rain cover, 2 Tecate tall boys, a "modest" sized yellow cock ring, a politely phrased sticker of Truth, and the most hideously ridiculous pair of flip flops/leg warmers evar.

I'll try not to let this go to my head.

37 - A City Made of Sand

2011-05-13T20:35:00.001-07:00

Are you even allowed within 500 ft of one of theses?

quit fucking around

new name of my bike; onward and upward

ooh that's a nice log, bet there's some buried traysure on its north end

West

South

North

oh so goodiez

DO take time to soak in the beautiful ocean view, and the forty million cars going fast to nowhere important

36b: more PSA than cache

2011-04-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

"When you hang a man, you better look at him"

*Actual location a little less conspicuous

36 FOUNDLED

2011-04-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

Hey look, I actually followed instructions for once and took a match picture!

The traysure was quite aways up a tree, and while I could have shimmied up the tree like one of these guys:

I took the lazy way out and used a tool (2x6 launched through the air) like one of these guys:

After gathering the treasure, I found a bored lizard who took a shine to my Friday afternoon hassling.

After such exhausting hunting, I had to take a little time to enjoy the bench. Sunny, tucked away from the cold afternoon wind, big live oak branches parallel to the ground, birds singing. Sure beat the majority of my Friday riding the computer chair. After that there was an ill-fated alternate route that took me not to the tower but to a dying trail choked with poison oak and thistle. Now I know, go straight to the steep double-track, don't be tempted by the smooth singletrack to the left.

Found this guy on Normandy Rd., parked in the bike lane. He was too lazy (illin?) to move much, but I put him back in the bushes lest he get squashed by an overzealous roadie with leaners screaming down the hill.

This is amongst my favorite treasures, mostly because of the look on shady guy's face. He is clearly getting into the game, and all of the squares are none the wiser.

#36. Latest edition

2011-04-12T08:16:00.000-07:00

I know you said you wanted a velocache that you could be in the woods to find. Like at the (used to be) Stairs an ish...

And to you false-balling niggas jus grab yo crotches. But if you paid, nigga, pat yo pockets.

1st, get thee to thee oaken singletrack. Soak it up. It's still good.

That way lies Freedom.

If you see this, you're Right.

Grab a seat on the New Stairs!

Remember when this was the type of view from the (used to be) Stairs?

Well now it is what it is at the New Stairs. Looking at this tree, reach around to your left, push the sawed off plank aside, grab a warmish Hamm's, and let this view do it's do on you until the location of the traysure reveals itself....

35 found. With so much drama in the MBC...

2011-04-09T00:41:00.000-07:00

it's kinna hard bein' velo cacheing, see:

Gs up Ho's down.

Laid back. With the mini golf course on my mind, due to the labeling of this hidden cache, I very nearly rode on by on my way to the coastal dereliction near there. But as I rode by, I decided to check. What the heck? (I don't get the "dwarf on golf" which doesn't refer to the mini golf joint. Red herring?)

Sure enough.

I had my headlight on my helmet by default. Good thing, because there was NO WAY I was reaching into some mystery crevice in this location without seeing what was waiting there...

Evidence of highbrow affairs...

"They Made Me"...I'm sure that they did. This is a world apart, of which I freely admit I had no knowledge. And I will go back to not thinking of this place after this post.

Fargo today. I needed the gears on account of my busted ribs.

Sexy High Life tallboy, 2 sweet tallboy coozies, classy copper bottomed camp cookware (including the clamped together and not-well-cleaned utensil set plus...count 'em...2(!) red(!) plastic camp cups.) all lovingly packaged with "Go to HeLL!!!" written thereon.

Makes me feel kind warm and dark and furry.

Like an asshole?

YO! any velocache is a Good velocache, so I win.

#35 - Dwarf on Golf

2011-03-31T18:06:00.000-07:00

Consult your local tide table or you may be a salty sucka

Go ahead, stick your hand in there (ignore the "I Pissed Here" tag)

The precious

Looking seaward

Looking starboard

Didn't see any trolls down there, but as always, look out for C.H.U.D.s!!!

34 sniped

2011-03-13T13:53:00.001-07:00

Spring break had begun, and birds were chirping. Clouds floated lazily ahead, and we were mad on the hunt for piles of discarded boards. They were spotted remarkably near to the school, and in fact just a few paces from where my students had gleefully id'ed rodent skulls, reptile spines, and coyote dung full of fur.

While the building itself wasn't exactly child-safe (it featured a mysterious 10-foot deep hole) or horse-friendly (feed trough was rusted durn through), the cache was well protected from all but he who knew where the beer had been placed. Evidently these things have shorter half-lives than advertised.

The cache featured a lonely beer, home decor for porcine aficionados, a cap, some recyclables good for a nickel each, and a handbook for healthy anger enjoyment.

This guy says we now owe the Velocache karma gods something like six gajillion stashed caches. Or else.

34

2011-02-26T11:29:00.000-08:00

What time is it?!
Time to buy ale?
In the meantime, you could git out and git this...

...that is if you are "in the know".

You know?

War at #33 1/3

2011-01-22T09:43:00.000-08:00

If the Night Time is the Right Time, then the Full Wolf Moon is even righter, right?

Velocafe Monterey really rolls off of the tongue. Is this the Western location of The Caprock Bar?

Slightly crazed / Full Moon Fever

Loot of handlebar bag with map case for lost suckas, big and sexy beer, bar tape, surly beer getter, and rubber chicken stress ball with egg translucence.

Moonlit rides tend to bring out the philosophical, and why is that dang moon so much bigger on the horizon than in the sky? Now we know.

#33 must be that same thing

2011-01-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

What makes the mens go crazy?

Hope it's not a fear of heights...

This one has been in the works for a while, and now it's like Donkey Kong.

Looking North.

Looking down, where things is looking up! But note how my feet are on the crossbeams. Some of those floorboards are looking ragged.

This is a GOOD SPOT. I don't think too many folks venture up this way, but it seems like sooner would be better than later...

#32 - Soak it to the East, Soak it to the West

2010-12-08T19:05:00.000-08:00

First of all, an unbiased welcome to December!

Took awhile to get to this one, between working during the minimal daylight hours, rain, and laboring over excuse-making.

Went a climbing after work today despite the impending showers. Took an alternative route, Pacific to Mar Vista to Skyline...hey that's not so bad. Still, probably averaged this pace during the climb (tilt your head to the left for a realistic grade):

Nice rain and 'pert near dark by the time I got to Scenic Drive and the prize.

This really needs to be the site for a rogue arm-rasslin' tournament

Lots of treats, 2 porkchops, some moonbeam shades, socks, some ginger chews for my favorite motion-sickness friend, El Diablito, socks, and some getback in a fancy Godiva tin.

But behold! Breakfast will never be as violence-free again in Lord Hayden's household.

On a side note, there is no good way to descend dark roads on a moonless night in a rainstorm, except to suspend belief in pine cones, wet needles, and the absentmindedness of drivers.

#32 table for 2, name of party? "Sucka"

2010-11-29T20:09:00.000-08:00

Time to get your climb on. There are many ways to get up here, all Good. There are many ways to leave from here, but only one way to get down.

Have you seen that vigilante man?

I hear he makes a mean breakfast. All's I can say is: you're gonna want to set a while, but this spot is more suited to the end of the day than the beginning. Maybe bring the stove and some eggses, cook up a little dinner and watch the sun go down.

Sorry the box is crumpled. I had to do that to get it to fit in my musette.

So. All my fancy Brooks saddlebags are breaking. For reals, 2 out of 3. The bag supports on the Brooks saddles are square edged/thin enough to eat up the straps. I find this very disappointing. You'd figure the limey bastards would make their designed-to-be-paired-products compatible. Nope, not if you carry so much as a tube, a patchkit, a mini-tool.

But today I outsmarted them.

special favors come in #31 flavors

2010-11-24T18:37:00.000-08:00

What with winter all settled in, like a puffed up salamander here on the Central Coast, a ride may require more than it's own reward to really pay off. Know what I'm sayin?

I'm sayin that smelling the Wild in and of itself will, sadly, lose it's draw if you are wet, windblown, uncomfortable and/or bloated. So here's where Velocache really shines. Like a greasy $1 dollar bill crumpled in the gutter, it gives you an unreasonable lift of spirits and motivation all out of proportion with it's reality. Let Velocache be the wind beneath your wings that's really needed to get you out! and on the bike in this bleakening season.

This is the cache that sent me up and along the ridge to Dana's Drop, and I haven't ridden that in at least a year. So that's cool. It's a sandy rut these days, but it leads to some worthwhile get through trails. I popped out onto rushy rush 68, which I crossed and climbed towards the steps from the West.

This quickly became steep to the point of ridiculousness.

The steps from above did not appeal,

so I engaged in some bushwacking like you read about to reach the Scenic Trail and come at the treasure from above. I appreciate a clever turn of phrase, so I knew to look to the left if viewed from below, which would be right for me...

You know the treasure will be cheap and tawdry (and occasionally even offensive) yet it still holds out the possibility of revealing itself a poorly framed xeroxed copy of a badly airbrushed T-shirt featuring the visage of Charles Bronson, or some other inspiring jackpot. It is this sliver of possible brightness which you must cultivate into the burning flame of an actual bike ride.I knew it would be quite a climb to get back up, so I delayed opening the treasure until I got to that one spot overlooking the bumper to bumper on 68. It's a nice spot to soak in some rays.

On a related note: Gary Fisher, like Nick Nolte, gives me the heeby jeebies. I first became aware of this in the gay 90's, when Fisher had 70foot long banners of his face hanging above the booth at Interbike. That was notably over the top. Then there was the claims at being the Godfather of Mountain Biking- hurk!ohgodholdmyhair- like it wasn't some kid riding his bike where he liked (if you're a romantic) or cyclocross nutters (if you're an anglophile) or the fucking cavalry (if you're a buffalo soldier) or Joe Breeze, Tom Ritchey, Charlie Cunningham, et al (if you're from NorCal , bro). Then it was inventing the 29" wheel (which at one Sea Otter I actually thanked him personally for popularising, since I am a gentleman, if a slight cad) when we all know it was Wes Williams. Booyah. Finally (I can only hope) it is the increasingly "bespoke" ensembles of facial hair and tailoring.

So that horrible t-shirt scared me more than any Omen reference or 80's Christian Metal. I will consider it a personal slap in the face with regard to my ability to fly in the face of fashion and wear it as a symbol of my continuing resistance to the stupidification/marketing of the next big thing in bicycling. It shall be the podium from which I launch my diatribe at the unsuspecting when they notice in passing polite speech my garb. A springboard to a meaningful discussion on what is Good and True in cycling versus what is an unsavory cult of personality, what is a false usurpation of our common history in cycling, what is madly scrambling for the new at the expense of the proven.

The really horrible part is that he has had a lot of very good ideas on bikes and bike design, and has promoted some worthwhile niches- not least 29" wheels and commutative bikes, which are both dear to my heart. But, look again at the shirt. It's that kind of unabashed hubris which calls for a real dislike. So I still shudder at the sight of him. And that makes this a Velocache win, I suppose. Especially since when I first saw it I thought "That's not a very good likeness of Phil Collins."...

and I shuddered.

#31 Flavors

2010-11-23T17:56:00.001-08:00

In addition to the Baskin-Robbins tie-in, Wikipedia reports that 31 is Turking slang for mastubation ("otuzbir"). Knowing is half the battle, they say.

You'll have to use your imagination or some ether to make these look like The Exorcist stairs. Follow that bike!

What a scenic bicycle. Someone has an eye for color.

Choose the sinister path

The traysure is right in back of that widow-maker, nestled in the underbrush.

And if you want to know what a widow-maker feels like, crank this tune my brother and I loved as young lads.

What?

2010-11-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

Huh?

Dirty (Found) #30

2010-10-26T18:09:00.001-07:00

(in homage to a wonderful publication)

Went up the wrong hill, but only part of the way up. Finally made it over here. The package smelled like a damp hobo, so as per usual I brought it home.

The musty stash did not disappoint! 2 of the more artistic pieces to land in a velocache thus far.

http://cruisercandy.com/ for all of your zany cruiser needs

We spent a good 2 minutes trying to decide if this was one of those upside-down / right-side-up

illusions. Verdict still out

Dirty #30.

2010-10-09T16:14:00.001-07:00

Baby, o-o-o-o-o baby

#30 will get YOU pumped up.

They's only one hill like this one.

Hill climb. WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Where you's can park your bike in front of a view of Monterey like this one.

This wall.

This little Monterey Pine.

Ready? GO.

#28 found! What do you mean "we", chemosabe?

2010-10-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

My bad. It were much further up that sneaky game trail than I had thought.

Nicely repackaged (I got my cord back!) and lovingly placed in the old beers' home.

The best cache evar! Turn your head to the right, now.

Hell yes that shhhhhtein winds up and plays a sickly tune!

This one's for my dead horseys:

So, bushes aren't for eating!

They are for stashing bottles of booze. Turkey will gobble.

...so, uh, we might have damaged the shrine a smidgen but it seems oddly improved to me.

VeloCache #29 - Pleasure Island

2010-10-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

I headed near the Stevenson House, and was lured by this classic on the juke box emanating from the cantina:

The cache, hiding in the tree outside the bathroom.

The loot: Hamms w/ coozy, Chuck Palahchinckxyz novel, Suarez musette, tingler ring (?), wowwy pop, and the newspaper that's been doing editorial satire since the Onion was a glimmer in its granpappy's eye, the mighty Carmel Pine Cone.

Now this is new to me....someone smoking outside of Alfredo's. Who knew?

Velocache #29 a.k.a "might as well stop in for a drink or four"

2010-10-01T20:42:00.001-07:00

Velocache #29 a.k.a "might as well stop in for a drink or four", originally uploaded by Reverend Dick.

You know the story. Supposedly Robert Louis Stevenson was trying to hook up with some broad in the 1870s, stalked her here, and soaked up enough local culture to inspire Treasure Island, etc.

Rich white folks have to get they exorbitantly expensive private school namesakes someplace.

Anyhow, right next door slumps an exorbitantly degenerate cantina. It is a shame to think that it would not have been around to inspire our author, reeking as it does (and would have) of musty spirits and skulduggery, so let's just pretend that it was around then, and acknowledge that piratical adventures owe it a hearty yo ho. Dirty Dan will almost assuredly be in there. Just look for the bespectacled white bearded gent mumbling and swaying. Allow him to buy you a drink. (Perhaps follow you to your next watering hole, assuming you make the mistake of telling him where you're headed.)

While you're in there, a trip to the men's room and a gander out the window might reveal...the traysure. You know, if you crook your neck just right.

Get it before some wino; it's a good one.

#28 - Comanche's Revenge

2010-09-18T16:06:00.000-07:00

Oh, you said Comanche, not Apache? My bad.

Ok this one gets a mere D for difficulty, but it was only a matter of time.

I headed out to everyone's favorite horse grave, in honor of our friends who are trying to pave over oak habitat in former Fort Ord so they can do what they do.

I definitely want a little toy version of me in a box above my grave

Future mule grave? Midget Gallows? Impossible to know.

Here's looking back from a nice game trail w/ view of the gallows and the dead horse.

Maybe if you go up that game trail you'll find something under the base of this tree? You can thank me for the shirt later.

#27 - David Cronenberg's Rash

2010-09-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

This is some good singletrack, a little sandy for cross tyres but hey that's the Ord. I had only once sniffed "Freedom", otherwise I would have had no clue.

The missus and I rode out from her establishment of teachery, and wandered on that path to the right of normal until we found it.

Somewhere, some WWII vet who trained at Ft. Ord just perked up

Hang 'em high......about 6' in bike shoes

Super ass 80's colorway cycling coat, can O Hamms, Hello Kitty pom-pom bar end, sneaky patch kit, spare tube, 1/8 fl. oz. of Tabasco sauce, and lovely mug.

They look like they're up to something....

......like a country ride to watch a dog devour a rabbit???????????

#27 Schroedinger's Cache

2010-09-04T15:44:00.001-07:00

Velocache #27, originally uploaded by Reverend Dick.

This cache is both there and not there, depending on how well you know your local singletrack.

The question you gotta ask yerself is "Do I feel lucky?".

Well, punk, do ya?

Don't step in whatever this is..

Rolling down to the cache, I stopped here and looked back at this shithouse. For perspective.

From that spot, you can also see this:

And, looking East:
What's in those trees?

On the right track...

...but way too far.

OK OK

2010-03-12T16:46:00.000-08:00

Time to start thinking about Sleaze Otter, people.

Pu that in your juice box and suck it.

#26 - early bird gets the hoodoo

2010-03-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

For some reason I woke up early on Wednesday, so I decided I'd get off of my humps and collect a woodlands treasure.

Off to the stairs, some tracks and grading but no meddling enforcement / land movers in sight.

If you look really hard you can see my bike in between the ca che and the thicket of poison oak I crawled through to get it

This prize pack was plump full of goodness. But there's something you don't see here because they immediately jumped on my face....

After a Hamms I had to get back to town, but not before I read a chapter from John Sandford's "Hidden Prey":

"There's one more thing," Wolfe said. "Uh, I keep a gun up there to clean up beaver and porcupines, and I think Carl knows where it is."
"He does," the younger Wolfe said. "We sorta let it out."
"You were screwin' around with it; that's what you were doing," his father said.
"What is it?" Lucas asked. "What kind of gun?"
"A Savage .223 bolt-action with a two-to-eight-power scope on it. Not a great scope, but the gun shoots really good. Inside a minute, anyway," the kid said.
"And there's ammo?"
Wolfe nodded. "A couple of boxes. Fast-expansion stuff to blow up the critters. You go back there, if you think he's dangerous....You best take care."

And so ends another velocache. And since I have collected the last two and not planted a one, I better get after it before some rustler throws down on me on the bike path.

#26 tears in my beers, or crying the blues over...

2010-03-02T17:47:00.000-08:00

Break in the rain...time to ride a bicycle for the purpose of (riding a bicycle) hiding packages in the woods.

You know I loves the trees but with even Fort Ord looking like that above, ridgeline riding is the best you can hope for right now off the pave. Swamp.

This is the Goods:

It is weatherproofed. That is important. You'll be glad.

Looking Easterly:

The stairs appear to be on the short list. Go there, enjoy it for one of the last times before it is gone for ill...because there are auto tracks leading from there to the newly destroyed-er, uh, gladed section by the lay down slides.

But you know what I think? Those bolts look like 18mm or so, and who's got a crowbar? We can save this...

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Aaaaaaand just in case any of y'all are on the fence about who causes the most trail damage:

bikes or horses...

I'm going out on a limb and say "anyone who rides when the trails are sensitive will end up hurting their feelings, but horses weigh 1,200lbs."

#25

2010-02-03T10:51:00.000-08:00

What the?!?

One of y'all lurks here, huh? Well, lookie lookie.

#24 Hours of Bubaline

2009-11-17T21:34:00.000-08:00

Saturday found me on the old cross bike from about 8 am until 4 pm, doing random odds, ends, errands, and heroic detail from Huckleberry Hill to Castroville and back. Found time to sneak out to Ord to continue this game of hide the beers, with the sun beating down on a beautiful November day.

I was heading up to the site of #23, but since the small print at the end of the previous post suggested trickery, I thought I'd stop at the caprock on my way to replenish my constitution....and what have we here?

Now, were I a lazier man I would have called it a day, smug in the knowledge that I had tricked the trickster, pranked the prankster, fucked the fuckster (?) who had clearly devised some scheme to make me pedal up that damn hill just to turn around. But a better man than I said it best:

"When I'm paid, I always see the job through"

So with that I soldiered on, down 50 and up 49 to the rock, all the while whimpering for my softie mountain bike gearing. Finally made it up the road that was known as 3 sisters until recently, and settled into the original site of #24.

Oh, but I had already seen through the trick! But then I biked up there anyway...so now I'm confused. Am I smart or dumb?

Now that I had "earned it", I opened up the VC box to find a veritable trove of treats, including 2 cans O Bud, stickers, patches, cowbell, wicking shirt, and a BOB hat.

And, the remains of my previous cache, which snootier folks than myself had left behind:

Wade Garrett Sleeveless Tribute T (only slightly moldy)

Bottle of New Glarus Fat Squirrel Ale
(I was thirsty and very thankful some trifling label mold had been enough to keep lips off of this tasty brew)

Between new trash, old trash, empties, etc. I had to stash a little bit of garbage up there, so I gotta get back soon. I'd hate to see a California condor die due to a Budweiser Silo wrapped around its neck.

In summation, I think that the author really proved his point, that biking around in a former military base hunting for beers is a perfectly reasonable use of one's Saturday, and said wordsmith probably came close to an epiphany when gazing upon the expanse of Ft. Ord and all he had accomplished that day.

#24, a.k.a. formerly #19

2009-10-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

Same place as 23. Exact same. Same same.

Pulled #23, replaced it with #24. Not like I'm bitter or anything. Just thought another trip to the same spot would be real...awesome.

GET SOME!

and do not miss the note, which will explain everything.

23 skidoo

2009-10-27T21:58:00.000-07:00

I know.

Like you wouldn't have. Please.

So 23 was a thorn in my side. 1st it was confusing, then it was all just a big misunderstanding. Today was my 3rd attempt at cracking this nut. Thank Goodness it was successful or I'd be nuts

Altar at the top of 49...

and photographic PROOF that #24 ne #19 is out there.

An awesome cache of super moldy goods. One of the Bud tallboys had burst and doused the package, aside from the torrential downpour's effects. You really cannot appreciate the growth from a picture.

I rode back down the "sister" to drink the remaining tallboy. After I warshed the top off with my water bottle.
Really just an all around win.

#23 Redux - Red Herring

2009-10-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

So, after riding from Creekside on Saturday, I came upon the realization that the 3 Sisters is in fact NOT where I thought it was. In fact what in my mind were the 3 Sisters (a series of steep rises with short breaks) is actually unmarked, and the 3 Sisters is, uh, the 3 Sisters. I'd apologize but you know what they say, "fool you twice, shame on you".

The good news is that I found a new ~~piece of rubbish~~ treasure along the trail to add to the cache, which is still in its original place.

Checkpoint Charlie

WRONG - leprechauns do not exist

Pink Elephants on the other hand....

Bird be-shitted rock

Been a long time comin

2009-10-22T11:52:00.000-07:00

Coming soon .. early Nov?.. VCM special edition - the Badger Box

I'm sure all you Wisconsinites are jazzed

23 Enigma

2009-09-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

Many a fatbody has huffed and puffed their way past this here spot, but ever stopped for a spell? It's kinda nice, in fact I'd say that on a scale of:

it's definitely between a solid:
and maybe even sniffing at this:

so that's what that one last kicker looks like from afar. words to the daring dipsomaniac: liquids contained within will be HOTHOTHOT unless retrieved at dawn or after sundown...but you already knew that.

bird (?) shit has conveniently marked the spot

blurry cause it was getting real dark

In fact by the time I got within distance of civilization it was full-on darkness; perfect time for me to try to take a "shortcut" and end up on some unknown trails

ah but how high the moon. what's that you say? you'd fancy a light our trails for us when you're all big and shiny on Sunday night? can do, good sir.

#22 - "Blew the whole damn thing apart"

2009-09-01T20:34:00.001-07:00

La Mirada. I just happened by this place for the first time on Saturday, and I said to myself, "aha!"

A little Monterey-style history about La Mirada:
-blah blah blah Steinbeck blah blah blah Hendrix burning his guitar blah blah blah Jazz Festival blah blah blah Rich people swinging their rods at little white balls blah blah blah

Pretty damn arty for a camera phone

Totally accidental arty seat tube / redwood trunk alignment

Believe me, there is nothing I like more than a non-challenge

The loot: sweet tartan flask, some Hamms'er gels, Pebble Beach Concours D'Elegance hat (local dog, pony, old car and trophy wife show), and a companion piece to my Super-Large SRAM vest, in a slimming blue and orange.

Stay off the tip

You just know I had to get arty with it. This piece represents Philosophy...Man's search for faith...that kinda shit.

Then again, we all know when the real art show is coming to town....

Good to get back in the game, I know we've been slipping on the old hide-the-can. Tomorrow's trip to Minneapolis will no doubt reap some VERY fine treats to plant upon my return. Setting the bar high, hoping for a sweatshirt of a Loon howling at the moon.

_____ #22

2009-08-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

The Catch being that you gotta get it to get it. Get it?

If everone is finished being upset by 21, we can move forward.*

You're arty, right? Then you should know about this joint.

Stand here, and turn around.

Do not sleep on this one. There is a particularly nice arty piece in there. Which is fragile.

*If not, well.

21?! where are my 21 shots of _______________?

2009-07-27T21:23:00.000-07:00

I took a picture with my phone, but it costs me $money to put it on here, and I am unable to part with $money in connection with this bitter fiasco.

Because the non-alcoholic Old Milwaukee was a cruel, cruel joke. I wouldn't have noticed, most likely, except that Old Milwaukee is almost Milwaukee's Beast when it comes to being only a c___ hair above 211 Steel Reserve in "quality". There is a difference, but it is close. They are all "beers" that require the alcohol they contain to justify forcing them down, so the hard heartedness- wow.

Wow.

I can only hope it was a terrible mix-up and some 1st grader mistakenly received a gag gift of a pint of Old Crow that was the originally intended filler for Old #21. And plus I was sure there was going to be an ass load of fireworks.

21 will light up your life

2009-07-24T17:12:00.000-07:00

Here's a new one, just in time for the weekend and any small-town parades and pyrotechnics it may bring. Blankets are reserving spots for the VeloCache discovery, so you'll have an watchful audience as you lurk and loiter about.

I planted this one at 11:45. Did you know that in addition to the three days it is closed entirely the library is only open 12-5 on Fridays? Tragedy. Makes a teacher weep.

And I heard the PGPD is understaffed too, so maybe there won't be too many overtime cops encouraging you to not dig root around.

20 is doneski

2009-07-24T17:01:00.000-07:00

Nick has been in, out, and away for a while, so we were quite happy to get an evening ride in together on Wednesday. We climbed to Veteran's Park (huff, puff) and attempted to retrace by memory where our fearless leader had previously led us through yards by moonlight. We didn't find the way, but we did find some occasionally rooty, often steep, and once flanked by a 3-story staircase trails and fire roads behind the Presidio.

I know, you already knew about them and explore them in your sleep, but we didn't, so leave us alone in our discovery.

The last of these roads sent us flying steeply down one of those "damn, even if this is the wrong way, there's no way I'm turning around" hills. We did not end up at the bridge as planned, but rather had to sneak through a gap in the fence to spit out onto 68 a half mile down from it. So we rode up the hill and then climbed up under the bridge and into dripping fog. I didn't know fog dripped, but I guess a San Francisco woman collected 60 gallons one summer in her rain barrel from her roof. Who knew?

So we got the cache. I'm not telling what's in it, but it's in our desk drawer now.

#20

2009-07-20T16:45:00.000-07:00

Yay!
Velocache Monterey now is old enough to think it's an adult, yet remain firmly rooted in self-centered irresponsibility. And be especially bitter that it is not legally able to drink; particularly in light of the fact that illicit recreational use of alcohol has been going on since like the get go.

I do what I want.

Anyhow, excitable #20 is a text only cache, aimed squarely at participants from the Full Buck Moon Ride, or the excessively interested and clever. So but remember that one stop where the stolen department store Schwinn Stingray (new school clone) was? OK. Remember the Velocache found just up the road? There're 3 crumpled Tecate cans there now. In one of them is the treasure.Trust me when I say: "You want this one."

Get it before it gets wet and ruined...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, here is a notice:

I dug up and drunk down the 2 Tecate cans buried in the sand from #18 Barely Legal. That spot is still awesome. The beers were cool to the touch. Too bad for you, my friend.

#14 M.I.A.

2009-07-07T09:10:00.000-07:00

Some soulless low level city worker must have removed poor #14 from it's AWESOME perch on the monument. We can only hope it was the source of much hand-wringing and sweaty anxiety before going to it's fate, whatever sad event that was.

Lessons?

Yes. Get off your motherfucking asses and get some damn caches!

Don't let the small minded pinks win...

n-n-n-n-n-nineteen (#19)

2009-07-01T21:11:00.000-07:00

On the Monterey Peninsula today, a velocache spokesman said you chumps need to harden the fuck up and get this cache quick.

oh, and also

2009-06-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

short people. Pffffft. Get over yourselfs. #14 is what it is. Get off your dwarfish ass and make it happen.

#18...barely legal

2009-06-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

But, oh! so worth it.

Stepped out my house, stopped short- oh no! Why is my dang thing burning like that? Cruised through the woods on the way to the bike path, and all the grass is brown. It's getting hottt in here.

I had a general idea where this cache would be (uh, by the ocean) but not really. What a fantastic spot!

I had to do some math in my head here, which was hard. If you are here yourself, and you look on the other side of that plinth, there will be a cool-ish Tecate under some rubble. But it won't last, I'm sure.

The graffiti is unimaginative.

Except this one; that's cool.

I rode this far.

Here's some digging.

So effing cool, I cannot believe it! I don't know where Lord Hayden gets these treasures, but he must have fortified hisself with a whole heap of Golden Drak to think of giving them away...

Even though there was no supplied opener...I drank the Belgian hooch in the tankard right there, so's I could get into that headspace. What a fantastic spot!

I buried 2 Tecates in the spot so if someone and someone's sweetie want to go there, they can. There's even semi-burnt logs right there, but it'd have to be a still night to allow a fire. The wind rips through there. You can watch the pelicans, gulls, buzzards, etc ride the ridgeline.

#18 Sandin' ev'ry 'rifice

2009-06-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

So it seems that a certain someone mashed a velocache and then skipped town for Africa of all places, leaving me to repay the gods. Well two can play at that game, so I stashed one of my own on my way out of town for some wedding, rafting, and mtb in the motherland. Never have you been so excited to trudge through so much for so little gain.

Sorry bro, 9' 11" is the limit. Better pull a 540 tailwhip.

Librals are rueing are fun

OK so now you are all turned around again, but I can't blame you for being intrigued.

Especially by this sweet tag. I for one am intimidated by that walking donut. And by intimidated I mean "let's go out to the lobby, to get ourselves some snacks!"

All right Enuff Z'nuff. Let's get after that cache, shall we?

Walk up this. OR, if you're not a total sandbag ride it.

Don't try to tell me that all of the iceplant and sand looks the same, 'cause I AINT HEARING IT

Just head at that nob

And git' ta diggin!

I'm sure he's in a better place now.....R.I.P. #9

2009-06-06T22:34:00.000-07:00

Our merry crew was out riding near the bench today, and sad to say that Velocache #9 has presumably been hung high.

When you hang a man, you better look at him

The list of suspects runs the usual gamut; Steinbeck's thirsty ghost, owls (they are thick over there I hear), or the lengthy list of young children who have collected previous caches without laying down any treats. I for one believe that the wily gangsters of Salinas have instituted hill climbs and cache infiltration to their initiation rites.

He died doing what he loved, waiting for someone to bike by and drink him. (makes half-assed sign of the cross motion)

a friendly reminder

2009-06-04T22:01:00.000-07:00

HEY! ALL YOU DOUCHEY POSERS with your bicycle "lifestyle" choices: stop fucking around.

Yes, that's right. You are here, and I am here and that makes it our time. You heard right, stop fucking around on "our time".

What's wrong with a little fucking around on our time, you ask?

Some of us are trying to have some actual, real, non-digital, in-the-world fun. Some gritty, old fashioned, sweaty hide the can/find the can par-tay action. And we use bicycles! Dude on dude, dude on chick, chick on chick, all of the above on bicycles and on the dope.

But here's the thing: posing to have your picture taken so's you can post up on Facebook or some other version of make believe see how adventuresome I am tiredness is not part of the action! Finding a cache and then not hiding one is for losers or triathaletes I guess. All's I know is I want my motherfucking USPS sleeved koozie back. One of us actual velocachers deserves that.

Put up or shut up. If I had a Facebook account I'd be flinging shit at your wall like a rabid mandrill with a rectal abcess.

*************************************************************************************

As a side note, #14 is still out there. Find that shit.

The best part of waking up - 17 be claimed

2009-05-29T20:08:00.000-07:00

This was my first 7am Velocache experience. It was done well.

My ride to school along the auto parkway (aah! the irony!) tends to be misty and dullish, usually a bit late and a bit groggy. With a swing in my step I mounted my bicycle early enough for a good scavenge.

Sticking to business, I dug under the decorative sculptures before even ordering coffee. A sipping fellow and his lovely dog were confused as to why a customer would dig in the metal toys despite a sign specifically prohibiting it.

When what, to my wondering eyes should appear, but a sticker-filled bottle, cowbell and cheap beer!

And upon closer examination yet, I realized that the coffee bag was not merely decorative but a $10 gift certificate. Thanks, Steve! A half pound of coffee and a ham and cheese croissant make for a phenomenal start to a day.

And this troll was most happy that I shared.

#17 - a guick death....

2009-05-28T11:23:00.000-07:00

Though they have yet to post, I stopped by the not so secret spot this am and #17 has already been snatched up ... that is all

LJ

Cranked up past and present - Velo Cache #17 - Friends and Family Edition

2009-05-27T10:40:00.000-07:00

Motor parts dominated in the past (not these motors, but any excuse to get Motorhead and the Young Ones rolling)

but now there are plenty of ways to get your two wheeled engine all cranked up. Of course you'll have to navigate the 4 wheeled graveyard

Not to mention the terminator like guards

and all those stern warning signs

Unlike many of the previous velocache's, number 17 isn't in Deep Cover

actually, the limited access hours might be your biggest barriers (unless senior terminator gets some much needed oiling).

So why is this the friends/family edition? We'll I highly encourage you to open the cache on site and I guarantee there is something inside that you and one or two friends/family members can all enjoy.

Now put the pedal to the metal and get caching...

#15 Covered and smothered.

2009-05-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

I was unable to find the clip I wanted. The one in which Jeff Goldblum tells Larry Fishburne (oops, it's "Lawrence" now) "But I did, so get in the fucking van" in reply to "You shouldn't have done that". Watch the movie if it don't make sense. It is actually quite good.

Anyways, De La Soul are no slouches.

So My partner and I headed over to the West Side for this cache, knowing it was in the badlands of Asilomar. We weren't sure eggzacketley, and by the time we made it over there we fervently (you like that?) hoped it would be close to 17 Mile Drive, as we were dead tired, lacking a nap, and even small climbs were noticeable.

Great Success! We spotted the No Bikes sign (always a welcome sight) and went in to investigate. Check on the bear proof trash can?!? I know thar's pumas round these here parts, but bears?

Yep. Check on the prime Troll habitat.

Check on the (not so) hidden white plastic envelope. Someone had systematically cut out all the nasturtiums and heaped them in a pile under the bridge, but left the package there. It had a small hole in it, but seemed intact:

1 Large fleece jacket
2 cans Hamm's beer
1 jar Wheelsmith Spokeprep
1 classy gas station souvenir shop plaque playfully (yet seriously) encouraging boozer friends not to outstay their welcome

Is that it? Because that's what there was. Which is in no way meant to say it was not enough. Because, in spite of the fact that this whole Velocache scam is just a way for people to unload a bunch of useles crap and some (very) inexpensive canned beers, the plaque alone would have been worth the trip. Thank you very much.

So, the protocol now is that I sit on this for an indefinite time and then go out and find another one? Or what?

#16 zoom zoom

2009-05-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

So, after scoring my first Velocache Monterey, I got sick and haven't been able to get out and place one myself until today. I figure, I'm 50/50 roadie/mtie, so my placement should be good for both.

Though foggy coastside, riding inland a bit got me a bit of sun. I wasn't the only one enjoying the sun on a bike.

Figured I'd stick with the "bridge" theme. You'll find this VC at the top of a pseudonym for a bottle/wine opener, just 1,000,000x bigger. Gas up and lay down the rubber to find this VC.

Smil'n Hawaiian

#15 - The Bridges of Monterey County

2009-05-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

Again with the bridges. Well, this is one large white package that sticks out like a sore thumb, and needed a lot of Deep Cover:

Oh nevermind, you can't actually go here. (I made up the recumbent propaganda, but c'mon, look at the graphic fer Pete's)

Check out Ol' Blackie Boy. He's not lost, no reward, not missing....he just IS.

Well that's a nice stick but turn around you big dummy

Mind the Nasturtiums, sucka!

#11....well kinda...I swear I.....shucks, I don' know

2009-05-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

This, THIS is what happens when you let the sweet fruit of velocache die upon the vine:

We rolled up to cache #11 hoping to find whatever Sleaze Otter'z drunks had left behind, 4 weeks past. Unfortunately, the bunker doors on #3 and several others were wide open, and there were rollerbladers, dogwalkers, and other unmentionables lingering around the perimeter. Crestfallen with the amount of humanoid activity, we were not surprised to find #11 rode hard and put away wet. Bunch of dead beers and cookie wrappers.

There is just something about pigeon feathers that suggests absolute filth

Being a bunch of green lameweeds, we took our accumulated trash home under the "leave no trace in the abandoned military bunker" mantra. I was secretly hoping a can-mad troll would hit on Katie on the way home for her aluminum goodies, maybe she was too?

The pungent stench of death here turned out NOT to be from the Velocache, and instead was from an ex-sea lion on the beach. Really though, we're splitting hairs.

And a notice to all lurkers and prize-finders: if you have picked up a velocache and not planted a new one, well that's just not proper. Imagine buying a 10-year girl a pony. Imagine then stealing it away and selling it to the circus. I admit that would be funny, be c'mon, hide something somewhere that you know, take some pictures, and let us find it!!!

Velocache #13 busted - I fought the Law and I won!

2009-05-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

I found the blog through my Facebook and swimming buddy Chris, and immediately recognized #13 because I have used that route as a hill run in preparation for Wildflower (so much for "very few of you have been up here"). It was at the interior gate to Jack's Peak Park.

So off I went on my bike for the short but intense climb. (Short from my house, anyway.) The first sign of trouble was that I arrived at the outer gate on Olmstead road at 5:40 pm, with the gate closed, and ignored the sign reading "No entry 60 min prior to closing." Which meant I was 10 minutes late. I dodged around the gate and started climbing.

I found the cache right where I expected. Contents: A Kona keypurse, a "One less car" t-shirt (slightly damp and smelly), a Burley Designs hat, a Hamm's, a Budweiser in a Trek USPS team jersey cozy, and a Rim Tours mountain bike adventures water bottle.

I got two runners to take the evidence picture.

Next I found out that the Hamm's fit into my seat water bottle holders easily.

I didn't fancy biking home with glass, so I decided to drink the Bud.

No sooner had I popped the top (Topeak Alien 2 has a bottle opener) than the park ranger showed up. He eyeballed me and parked his truck right at the gate, I presume to prevent people from entering the park at the last minute. But there he sat, and there I was behind a bush with an open container. Bad luck for me, sucka!

So I started a yoga and stretching regime. Every time I reached for my ankle, another swig went down. I could see the ranger check up on me in his rearview mirror occassionally. I made loud breathing noises. I took a few pictures of the bay for effect.

With the Bud gone, I stuffed the bottle under a bush (ranger was parked by the trash can - don't worry I will retrieve it over the weekend!), and hid the cozy in my jersey. I mosied back to the bike, and took off, hitting a victorious 37 mph on the way down the hill.

Karl

#15 Found! by the Smilin' Hawiian

2009-05-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

So, after having lurked on your blogspot for a few months now, I decided to partake in this adventure and seek out one of the treasures. Figured #15 would be a good first go at it. Although having felt sick for the past few days (did I kiss a pig recently?) and having possibly fractured a rib or two over the weekend (a wee tumble on the fat tires), I took a shot of Nyquil after work and venture out into the late afternoon fog to covort with the trolls.

Not far off my normal post-work cycling route, I found the booty under the bridge. Not any trolls to deal with, but plenty of feisty geese and the gooslings (?). The loot was worth the trip, but the SleazeOtter halter top may be just a bit too revealing for my modest personality. Maybe the cutie that found an earlier stash would fill it out better.

Anyways, had to express my encomium to the Sea Horse by sharing the Hamms.

Thanks and praises out to you all for setting this up. Fun stuff, hope to contribute soon.

#15 - Where Trolls dare to tread

2009-05-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

#15 asks that age-old question: will it be found by an intoxicated naer-d0-well upon waking up under a bridge....or will it be found by someone who is NOT a Velocache participant?

This is prime troll country, in fact there was a group nearby during placement (artist's rendering after the fact)

Fact: Eating Hamm's will not give you Swine Flu

Seahorse says nice find, sucka!

12 has been swept from the market

2009-05-03T11:43:00.001-07:00

Dear friends,

Again, VeloCache has brought me joy and diversion on an otherwise practiced commute. This time I stopped by Ye Olde Boat, which I believe was put on land to let passersby and sightseers know that there's an ocean nearby. It was raining, too, which made the scavenging all the more adventurous.

Now had it not been raining, I might have explored the vessel a bit more, but for the stormy skies I ventured but an arm over her edge to reach for the cache.

And treasures ahoy! I found myself Hamm's enough to drown a lass, and a left hand's flaskful in case of squall. And let's not forget a visibility vest, arm warmers, and a reflective choker for the wearing, and some stickers too. Arrrr!

To close, a joke by Kris: What do you call a stuttering pirate?
Inarrrticulate!

#14

2009-05-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

That last one was a climber's delight? No, this one is a climber's dee-lite. Hope y'all ain't suffering from vertigo, bitches.

That verse is copyrighted 1900 and 1930, so don't get any ideas.

Hey, look East. Is there no help for the Widow's Son?

Hey, look South.

Hey, look up.

10 be found

2009-04-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

A frustrating day with the first graders last week ended well with a sandswept bike path roll. Though I was approaching lateness to somewhere, I thought it would be best to get off my vehicle and root around in some ice plant for a treasure.

It was treasure I found! Then, I realized ruefully that I had left my camera in its sock, in my desk drawer. Thankfully my new friend--cigar-smoking, shirtless, middle-aged Bobby--agreed to let me use his camera phone. After, of course, he had frenetically deleted "just a couple" photos.

When I had taken the picture, I asked if he could send it to me. Instead of typing in a number, as is likely a routine course of action, he instead gave me his number so I could call him for it, once he had gotten a tutorial from his ex-wife. I was assured this would be no problem, as he lives with her.

I'm sure you'll agree this photo was well worth the wait.

And really, as I consider Bobby's number to be a part of the loot, I couldn't help but include it in the prize photo.

May future VeloCachers be as lucky!

#13 equals bad luck for you, sucka

2009-04-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

That's right. Because this one is a climber's delight and I doubt many of y'all have ever been in this neck of the woods. Now's your chance, right there at the base of that sign is the goods..

This is the view looking down the climb you just clumb.

This is looking up towards the park-oops!

Northwards from the cache.

Same same different. See Monterey Bay?

Sleaze Otter, Foo'...

2009-04-13T10:23:00.001-07:00

Do not miss your chance at Greatness.
Fool.